Authority over a child is never assumed. Before a court appoints anyone, it either decides on its own or reads what you had to say. That includes who you do not want. After a divorce I often hear a mother say she does not want the child raised by the father, and the court will still default to the other parent, because that is public policy, unless proven otherwise. If your documents and your letters explain who and why, the court can say no thank you when that person raises a hand. Your wish only counts if it can be read from the file.
What I Said
From my September 10 Parents Edition workshop at the Cambria Hotel in Calabasas, lightly edited for readability.
It's never assumed. So before the court can appoint someone, they either act on their own decision, or they listen to what you had to say in appointing the person. Because in your documents you can also say who you don't want to be a guardian of your child.
I often have, in case of a divorce, if parents are no longer together, it is often that I hear, usually mothers say, "I don't want my kid to be raised by his or her father because of this and that." And usually, during the court process, they appoint the second parent as the guardian, because it's natural, it's within public policy, and courts do that. However, unless proven otherwise.
So if you provide in those documents, in those letters, "Hey court," or whoever is there, "I don't want my child to be raised by this person," or any other relative, my mother maybe, and she's toxic, or my sister, "I don't want them to be part of my child's life," and you explain why, if they raise their hand, the court says, "Hey, no, thank you," because it has to be proven.
That's why your wish is only counting if a court can read it from the file, because they cannot read your mind.
The full talk, written down: Who Picks Up Your Child From School if You Never Come Home?
More on this topic: Wills
More From the Workshop
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- She Wanted Everything to Go to the Church. Then She Told Me About Her Son.
- Who Talks to the Bank When You Cannot?
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